old lady running

The Crappy bits - (or what to do if you get caught short!) Warning -   the content of this blogpost may offend some readers. That’s because there are a few crappy bits in it, which may not be up everyone’s alley - so I wont be offended if you need to skip the odd paragraph or two. But for those who want to hang in there. . ..   This is a story about bowel movements. Which is to say it’s a story about, poop, poo, number twos, crap, jobbies, tollies . . .or whatever you prefer to call the waste product that comes out our rear end at (hopefully) regular intervals!   When you first start running you might find that the movement of your bowel suddenly takes on a whole new significance.   Where, when and how - becomes a thing of utmost importance. And getting it right usually means getting it over and done with before you start the run.   Remember the last time you were on an airplane. And you hit turbulence. And the cabin luggage ended up all over...

Okay, I know it doesn't look like fun. It’s not balloons and bugglegum and party frocks. It’s not champagne or roller coaster rides or whoopee cushions . It’s running! Plain and simple. Pound, plod, pound. Plod, pound, plod. Nothing more, nothing less.. .   And it’s not always a pretty sight. Like, there you are 45 mins into your run. You’re struggling a bit. Sweat pouring, hair everywhere, face grimmacing, open-mouthed, red-faced and breathless. A passerby could be forgiven for thinking ‘that woman is not having much fun out there’. And you can guarantee that no one is jamming on brakes, doing a double take and thinking ‘WOW! That looks like fun! Can I do that too?!’ Please. . .   I will agree that, from the outside, running doesn’t look like the most fun activity in the world. And obviously a jog round the block doesn’t compare to a sunny Sunday arvo at the ‘Rainbow’s End’ theme park or a bungey jump off the Skippers Canyon. But there are definitely some f...

Part 1:   The ‘hilly bit’. When the going gets tough, the tough get going! Or they get running. Or they do something!   Sometimes, the ‘tough’ even start running up the ‘hilly bit’!! Which is where the ‘tough’ and I usually part ways. I hate the ‘hilly bit’ with a vengeance! (Which is strange when I live in a city surrounded by them). I detest the way the ‘hilly bit’ can ruin the most enjoyable of runs. Nothing’s easy when a ‘hilly bit’ gets in on the act. I hate everything about it. The way it sneaks up when you least expect it. The way its lurks at the end of a road, looking insignificant -   ’til you get up close.   The ‘hilly bit’ can take you completely by surprise and should never be underestimated.   It has a way of blatantly making your run way more stressful than it needs to be. It makes your legs hurt and your lungs strain and your arms ache. It makes you feel like you daren’t stop because there’re still miles to go and...

What to wear?   One of the things I have discovered about running is that, if you want to do the hard yards, you have to know what to wear. Not in a ‘do I look good in that?’ sense, because there is no way on God’s earth that old ladies (and even young ones for that matter) will ever look good running. No. What I mean is that that you have to know about the right clothes for the job if you want things to run smoothly. I know what you’re thinking. . . what’s there to know?! Surely it’s all just shorts and T shirts. And more shorts and T shirts. “Just pick a nice colour and get on with it,” you’re thinking.   Well, that’s what I thought too. But this turns out not to be completely so!   For a start -   what sort of shorts and what sort of T-shirt am I looking at. And do I need a jacket? With a hood? What about a thermal?. And socks? And caps. And knickers. . ., and shoes. . . .   Phew! I can feel a shopping expedition coming on. ....

Should I stay or should I go? It’s hosing down outside and I’m still in my PJs wondering if I dare to venture outside. Should I bite the bullet - don running shorts and T shirt and stretch these old lady legs?   Or not?   Would I be better off toeing the party line and joining the rest of the neighbourhood huddling sensibly under their duvets. Should I stay or should I go? It’s a hard one, especially so early on a Saturday morning.. The week, til now, has gone relatively smoothly. Three small runs completed without any major dramas. But today might be different. Hard bits are on their way. I can feel it in my waters, as my old Nan used to say. Hard bits include the ‘long’ run that I need do, without fail, before the day is done. The instructions say the ‘long’ run should be completed on either Saturday or Sunday.   Blimey! The hardest part of the training is definitely the ‘long’ run. The ‘long run’ is always slotted into the end of the week a...

The training schedule Pssst. . .   Would you like to see my training schedule? You can catch a glimpse if you scroll to the bottom of the page. But not before you’re done reading this blog post. Lol. (And I can’t let you see the whole thing because it’s been custom made and paid for) There’s a bit of a story behind my training schedule. I came by it after becoming so bamboozled by the squillions of running schedules available on line that I decided to buy one from a nice young lady called Lydia who looked like she knew what she was doing. If you google her (Lydia O’Donnell) you will be suitably impressed. She looks exactly like a Greek goddess but with abs. And it says on her website that she can run a marathon in 2:39:01. OMG! That is totally beyond comprehension!   But the best thing is that Lydia also looks like a really nice person who might even be interested in ‘old ladies running’.   On her website I selected ‘running programmes’ and set about ...

Today is ‘Day One’ of the training schedule! I have always been a sucker for ‘day one’. ‘Day one’ is like a ‘clean slate’. A new beginning. Fresh! Perfect! The start of something exciting! Nothing bad has happened yet. Because it’s only ‘day one’. The future stretches before you on ‘day one’, unblemished, untainted with any notion of failure.  The marathon training schedule I will follow is 16 weeks long and, it’s good to know that, on day one, I havent yet missed a single day of training. My record, so far, is perfect, on this very perfect day. Today is full of potential. And possibility. The sky is the limit and the world is my oyster. By the time I get to day ‘100’ I will have only 12 days to go. That’s when the shit could possibly hit the fan. I suspect that, by then, all those days I didn’t get out of bed in time will be starting to take their toll. But not yet! It’s only ‘day one’ and all those days I ruined by cheating and making excuses haven’t happened....